Who am I?

Who am I? You might ask. I am me. I am a unique combination of anxious, confident, intelligent in the field of useless information, completely self conscience, protective, irrational, and most importantly I am comfortable being me.  

Anxiety is my friend. It has been for as long as I can remember. I don't like to meet new people. I don't like to leave the house. I don't like surprised. Those are just a few things that make anxious and nervous. There are many, many other things. Daily things. Ideas that creep up on me out of the blue. But guess what, I get up every day. I live my life. I make myself do things. Okay, maybe not every day but 5 out of 7. I may no want to do many of these things but I do because I have a family that needs me. And I need them. They help me keep going even without realising it. 

My family is spread over two houses. The house I live in contains my fiance, my mother-in-law, our three cats, two dogs, three fish, and two axolotls. The other house, where I lived until I moved here, my Mum's house, contains my mum, brother, sister, nephew, dog, and cat. Both places are my home. Both places are where I am comfortable because there are people I trust. And every single person in both houses has anxiety, maybe not the nephew he is still a toddler. 

Anxiety is a bitch. Anxiety is not fun. Anxiety and depression and people with different personalities sucks. Bad days are a living hell. If I am having a bad day it truly effects whoever is near me. I have never been good at verbally expressing my feelings. I would much rather shut myself away and be alone. Not everyone likes that. Actually some people actually hate it. But I have a hard time changing that. 

I am hoping this blog will help me deal with some of my anxiety. Mostly my anxiety about the dogs. 

Lily and Hermes are 1.5 years old. They are litter mates, have litter mate syndrome, separation anxiety with each other and with me. Since April both Lily and Hermes have done some sort of dog class. Hermes and started agility to help build his confidence away from Lily. Lily and Matt took an obedience class to work on working with each other. Both dogs have had private training at least once a week since April. Lily and I started Nose work so she can have a fun class like Hermes. Lily has also been coming to Hermes agility class as well. In the past five months both dogs and myself have worked very hard and come a long way in our training. 

We have all worked hard and yet some days it doesn't feel like we have done anything at all. In time it will get better... I hope.